Crank

Have you ever thought about doing cocaine? Don't watch Requiem for a Dream or the Basketball Diaries to sway yourself out of it. No, instead rent the movie Crank, then use that as a base (heheh) from which to make your opinion. Friends, I have just witnessed cocaine in cinematic form.

You may know the premise: hitman is injected with a drug and must fight, fuck, and ingest numerous drugs in order to keep his adrenaline running and thus stay alive. Sounds ludicrous. And indeed it is. But perhaps even more ludicrous is just how much further over the top the filmmakers push this. My expectations were for this movie to be a dumb, albeit quirky action movie. Well, there is no doubt about it, this movie is dumb. And it is full of buckets of glorious, nay even unnecessary ultra - violence. But making the deal that much sweeter and really defining the movie is just the string of absurdities that construct the plot. I mean, it pretty much opens with Jason Statham smashing his plasma television, and five minutes later he's driven through a shopping mall, there has already been a gratuitous boob shot (of which there are tons in this movie - including a few of Amy Smart's), and you're still not entirely sure what's going on. You're completely addicted by that point. Even if you hated the movie and wanted to stop it, you couldn't without professional help. And that's not even the start of it. The film moves at a breathless pace, hardly ever giving you time to rest, layering increasingly ridiculous scenes one on top of another. The direction is inventive, hallucinogenic, and nearly seizure-inducing. By the conclusion, you feel strung out, your teeth itch, and your nose may even be bleeding. Somehow you become Jason Statham. Let me put it this way: Remember that scene in Ong Bak where he knees that guy on the motorcycle in the head and his helmet visor shatters, then the motorcycle crashes into oil barrels and explodes? Remember that part in Boondock Saints where the cat gets shot? Or how about that part when Amanda Peet struts around topless in The Whole Nine Yards? Remember how you felt watching those scenes? Now, just imagine feeling that way for an entire movie. Thus is the essence of Crank. Check it out, but don't watch it with your girlfriend or any minority - the mysogyny and racial stereotypes are pretty thick, yet present in such an obtuse manner that it may be laughable for everyone.